The B9

I love coming across gems like this in the internet world.

BrokenIpod wrote:
I went on Omegle to try and find help, had an interesting conversation with heaven about her.

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: Hello and Welcome to the Heaven Help Line
Stranger: My name is Adam, how may I help you today?
You: http://www.tittaycitay.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/03/indierock.jpg
You: tell me who this girl is
You: I need to marry her
Stranger: One second please
You: she is AMAZING
Stranger: I concur sir
Stranger: However, I am afraid I do not know this particular individual
You: that's a major bummer
Stranger: I could transfer you to HMHQ
Stranger: Perhaps they would know
You: what's that stand for?
Stranger: Human Management Head Quarters
You: ah, yea, that'd be super
Stranger: One second please
You: thanks for the chat, Adam, you're a good dude.
Stranger: NOTICE: YOU ARE NOW BEING TRANSFERED TO HMHQ
Stranger: TO CANCEL THIS TRANSFER, PRESS ANY KEY NOW
Stranger: ---connecting---
Stranger: Hello, HMHQ, this is Amy
You: Hi Amy, maybe you'd be able to help me out with an issue i'm having
Stranger: Sure thing, tell me what the problem is
You: ok, well
You: I'll be straight with you
You: I need to marry this girl, this one right here in this picture - http://www.tittaycitay.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/03/indierock.jpg
You: but I don't know who she is
Stranger: I see
You: can you help me with a name or something?
Stranger: Well, though we cannot recognise a human based on a picture alone
Stranger: as we use a different tracking system
Stranger: I can put this into a new system the Tech guys came up with
You: Do you have a breast recognisation system?
Stranger: It's still in beta though
Stranger: No sir, I'm afraid we don't
You: I mean, you're a woman, but i'm sure you're just as stoked as I am on her gear.
You: Yea, let's run this through the new system, I mean, it can't hurt, can it?
Stranger: Just did sir
Stranger: we have 1 result
Stranger: We have the name Megane
You: Megane?
Stranger: Yes sir
You: As in the car? The Renault Megane? It's sturdy and reliable.
Stranger: Nice pun sir
Stranger: We also found this media on another website
Stranger: http://imosokuvip.blog60.fc2.com/blog-entry-1798.html
Stranger: I'm sorry sir, but that's all the information I can get
Stranger: The system is still in Beta, but we're working on a new database
You: You've been an amazing help, Amy. I truly appreciate it.
Stranger: No problem sir
Stranger: May I help you with anything else today?
You: Not that I can think of. Can I help YOU with anything, Amy?
Stranger: Sir, as long as I have served your every need today, I'm fine [no double entendre]
You: You're not the girl i'm looking for, are you Amy?
You: Because i'm serious about the marriage thing. I would truly love for you to have my children.
Stranger: I'm glad sir
Stranger: may I help you with anything else today?
You: I guess not. Thanks for being here for me, it's all I could have asked for.
Stranger: You're welcome sir
You: P.S. Have you met God?
Stranger: Yes sir, I have
Stranger: He made a speech at my orientation
You: Maybe he knows my future wife. Do you have a direct line?
You: Also, does he still wear sandals or does he go with Crocs now?
Stranger: I do not, but you may speak to a representative
Stranger: God prefers berkinstocks
You: I would LOVE to speak with God's Rep.
Stranger: And also sir, it is a misconception that we have dealings with fate or destiny
You: I think God is obviously a good guy
Stranger: that is just a glitch that the HMC is working on
Stranger: I'll transfer you to the AO
Stranger: NOTICE: YOU ARE NOW BEING TRANSFERRED TO AO
You: I'm willing to make my own fate, Amy. I just need a helping hand in finding this beautiful piece of lady bits.
Stranger: TO CANCEL THIS TRANSFER, PRESS ANY KEY NOW
Stranger: ---connecting---
Stranger: Hello, AO, this is Marc
You: Hi Marc, how're you?
Stranger: I'm just fine sir, may I help you with something?
You: Yes, you can, I hope.
You: http://imosokuvip.blog60.fc2.com/blog-entry-1798.html
You: Im looking for this girl, I need to marry her. Can you find a name? I was told Megane was a possibility.
Stranger: Sir, there are multiple persons on this page
Stranger: And that would be a matter to take up with the HMHQ
You: Oh, my bad. That's the link Amy found for me.
You: http://www.tittaycitay.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/03/indierock.jpg
Stranger: I'll make a note for her review and termination
Stranger: I am sorry for the inconvience sir
You: Well, Marc, I just want you to look at her and tell me you don't want to help me find her.
Stranger: Sir, as much as I might
Stranger: I cannot
Stranger: as that is a job for the HMHQ
You: Please don't terminate Amy, she went above and beyond to help me.
You: Ok, so you're God's Rep, right?
Stranger: We have a very strict policy here at Heaven Incorporated
Stranger: a 1-strike system if you will
Stranger: No sir, I am just a secretary
Stranger: I can transfer you to certain reps depending on the case
Stranger: That is, if they are available
You: Well, I put it to you that Amy was selfless in the fact that she risked her job to help me find my future wife. That cannot be a bad thing.
Stranger: You said you were not satisfied with the results of her efforts
Stranger: Perhaps we had a misunderstanding
You: Anything you can do to help me, Marc, would be great. I've no chance of speaking with God today?
Stranger: I'm afraid God cannot be reached directly for matters such as this
Stranger: He is a very busy man
Stranger: However, his reps report directly to him
You: I was very happy with Amy, please note that in her file.
Stranger: and, if the case is of great enough of importance
Stranger: god will be notified
Stranger: I will make a note
You: Ok, i'd like to speak to a rep, please.
Stranger: Ok sir, what is your case?
You: I need to find a woman from a photograph so that I can propose marriage to her and make beautiful children.
Stranger: That would be a matter for the HMHQ sir
Stranger: I'm sorry they were not able to resolve the matter
Stranger: I hear they are working on a new system, perhaps you could ask for that
You: I spoke with Amy from HMHQ already, Marc.
You: She tried that, with mixed results.
You: I guess today just isn't my day, huh?
Stranger: I'm sorry sir
Stranger: Is there anything else I can do for you today?
You: You did everything you could do, Marc.
You: Yes, there is, actually.
You: Give yourself a hug and a pat on the back for being such a great help and let everyone know that Amy and Adam are fantastic.
Stranger: Thank you sir
Stranger: I appreciate that
You: My pleasure.
You: Have a lovely afterlife.
Stranger: and I will make sure to make a note on their respective files
Stranger: You too sir

I should lurk the b9 more often.