:(

I spent the last week staying up with my gran making her cups of tea that she innevitably didn't drink, making her food and then having to feed her, almost carrying her because she can't walk, catching her when she fell over, making her take her tablets, holding nebiliser masks up to her face, following her around with her oxygen tube trying to convince her that it actually will make her better, showing her how to swallow her tablets, showing her how to take an inhaler, letting her give out to me for whatever reasons came into her head, waking up at 6 in the morning and getting her breathing on track again, running to the shop, lighting her cigarettes... It's possibly the worst week of my life.

I should have stayed longer but it got too much and I had to leave. I fucking hate it there. So much. And my granddad is just so clumsy and absent minded and it just pisses me off so much.

WHEN YOU'RE WIFE SAYS GOODBYE TO YOU BECAUSE SHE THINKS SHE'S GOING TO DIE DUE TO NO LONGER BEING ABLE TO BREATHE, YOU FUCKING DO NOT OFFER HER CIGARETTES THE NEXT DAY.

My mam stayed over one of the days because it 'wasn't fair on me' and she washed the dishes and fell asleep. I had to get up in the middle of the night and first thing in the morning to look after my gran and as soon as I went to college (because with someone there I can afford to do take a break by doing a UML collaberation diagram) she fecked off to her art class.

I reallly can't put up with all this shit anymore. She was in bits the other day. Literally worse than ever before and it was over an hour and a half before someone came to help me. It's like they were all fucking pulling straws to see who had the misfortune of going down and having to deal with it. And in the meantime I'm there trying to keep her alive long enough for it to not be my fault if something happens and on the phone every 3 or 4 minutes to see what to do if this happens and when that doesn't work, then what.

Fuck people!